Here’s my favorite picture from my 4-hour PhotoTourDC class on the National Mall: two kids taking pictures at the Lincoln Memorial.

Thanks to Lyn at PhotoTourDC — highly recommended.

But, life must go on, and I must purge myself of the sadness and the tears. Easier said than done, I know, but I can at least try. My personal strategy is to fight fire with fire. I reach for the saddest songs in my iTunes library — the ones chock full of regret, heartbreak, disappointment. Bring it on. They’re the only things that can quiet the fluttering anxiety and dislodge that lump of unrest that resides in my body, if only for their brief duration. Here they are, in no particular order, to share with you. Enjoy, or don’t enjoy — as the case may be.

1. Nico – These Days

These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don’t confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them

2. The Magnetic Fields – All The Umbrellas In London

I drive around
I walk around in circles
‘Cause I’ve got no sense of direction
I guess I’ve got no sense at all

3. The Decemberists – The Engine Driver

And I am a writer, writer of fictions
I am the heart that you call home
And I’ve written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones

4. Neil Young – One of These Days

One of these days,
I’m gonna sit down
and write a long letter
To all the good friends I’ve known
And I’m gonna try
And thank them all
for the good times together.
Though so apart we’ve grown.

5. Lykke Li – Sadness is a Blessing (Gold Panda remix)

These scars of mine make wounded rhymes tonight
I dream of times when you were mine so I
Can keep it like a haunting
Heart beating close to mine

Now that I’ve taken care of that, let’s get back to it. Here’s a recap of the last few months in list form.

GOOD THINGS:

BAD THINGS:

I won’t get into the magnitude of those bullet points now. But, now that I’ve tackled that elephant, look for a more active Gitnerblog in 2012.

I’m happy to report that at 24, I’ve had a few adult accomplishments. For instance, I did my taxes, successfully navigated the DMV, joined the world of smart phones, and — after 2 years of living in the same apartment — purchased furniture.  My one regret is… not listening to to Blink 182’s “What’s My Age Again?” enough during the past year (for its numerous references to 23, obviously). So here goes a few more rounds before the day is done.

The overnite is an ideal environment for emotions to brew, stew, and augment. Knowing this, I was (and still am) inclined to smother any dangerous thoughts (related to sadness, worry, etc.) before they can escalate to a full-on reaction. Imagine: disaster strikes during your workday. You’re upset. You need to talk to a friend. Except… when you look down at your phone, you realize there’s no one in your contact list who’s plausibly awake. You check Gchat and your two friends living abroad are online, only they’re idle or away. Not to mention, the coworkers with whom you share an intimate workspace are noticing your huffs and puffs and fidgeting. You wonder if today will be the day they see you cry.

This scenario hasn’t happened to me, but I fear(ed) it. And now, with some time on days, the idea of it is less threatening. But as it turns out, avoiding situations of troubling emotions can be quite precarious. I, for instance, postponed an event, and — big surprise! —  it caught up with me anyway. SPOILER ALERT: If you don’t know where I’m going with this, you will after this quote from Dan Savage: ”Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t.”

The end of my almost 2-year relationship came yesterday (although, in reality, perhaps a bit earlier). I remember in college sometimes regretting time I wasted on things that ended. I don’t feel that way this time, though I wonder if I mistakenly waited for it to “happen” rather than just getting it over with when I felt like it wasn’t good anymore. But who wants to deal with the aftermath of anything in the isolation of overnite?

So, a conversation that should of happened much earlier was postponed. And now, it has happened. Was it a good choice to put it off? Well, I was able to talk with friends on the phone. One came to my apartment to eat pizza and watch some reality tv. Afterwards, instead of pulling myself together and going into work, I got into bed with my roll of toilet paper (the poor man’s Kleenex) and I went to sleep knowing things would be brighter in the morning. At this moment, I’d say putting it off was well worth it.

I can barely remember what I’ve been up to without consulting my Google Calendar. So I looked back over the past few weeks, and man, it’s been busy.

In May, I went up to Long Beach Island, NJ for a weekend retreat. I attended the SweetLife Festival, where I donned rain pants, jacket, and beanie to see Crystal Castles‘ 20-minute set (also, other less exciting bands). I saw The Antlers and Paul Simon in concert. I saw the Bridesmaids at the movies. At work, I produced a piece on Death Cab for Cutie’s new album, Codes and Keys (after interviewing Ben Gibbard and Chris Walla in May.)

In June, I saw The Lonely Forest/Death Cab for Cutie, Smith Westerns/Yeasayer, and Bahamas/Noah & the Whale in concert. I saw my second Woody Allen movie ever, Midnight in Paris — much better than 2003’s Anything Else. I saw adventure photographer Jimmy Chin speak at National Geographic HQ and was inspired to start climbing again. Confession: I have still not gone climbing since that surge of inspiration. I interviewed Justin Vernon of Bon Iver and produced this piece on his new self-titled release. And to round out a great month, I travelled to Duxbury, MA for a mini-reunion weekend of eating, walking, sitting, and more eating. Oh, and of course we stopped by a photo store in Plymouth to take some authentic Pilgrim photos.

Also in the past two months, I stayed awake for 24 hours or more on four separate occasions. I revisited my guitar and finally donned the running shoes again. I begrudgingly joined the world of smart phones after my phone died. And, to preempt the imminent death of my beat-up Schwinn, I purchased a new bike.

Maybe that’s not even busy for the average person?

The big news, though, is my return to DAYS after 9 months working nights! I’m already fantasizing about happy hours, dinners with friends, and Sunday afternoons. But a part of me will also miss the overnite: the people, the built-in excuse to do my own thing at all times, and my midday dog park excursions with Amos. Am I still socially competent enough to function during the day? We’ll find out. Hopefully more posts in the future.

8:00-8:30AM – Arrive home. Play with dog, talk with roommates.

8:45 – Eat.

9:30 – Shower. Catch up on internet. Play guitar.

10:30 – Read. (Also, obsess over some work email that is probably meaningless anyway.)

11:00 – Sleep.

2:00PM – Stumble into the light to take the dog out. Depending on guilt/generosity, take dog to the dog park.

2:30 – Bathe dirty dog.

3:00 – Eat a burrito and/or a bowl of ice cream.

4:00 – Take out over-hydrated dog to pee.

4:15 – Try to go back to sleep.

5:00 – Beg for sleep. Give up and read.

6:00 – Succumb to sleep.

10:30 – Wake up, head for the coffee.

11:15 – Roll out.

…more or less. Repeat.

Clearly, I’m still working out the kinks on this one. But I love the little man, and for now, it’s ok. To bed now to start it up again.

1. We have lived in immediate proximity to each other for the past 6 years.
2005-2006: Darnall Hall, one door over.
2006-2007: Kennedy Hall, two floors down.
2007-2008: Study Abroad, devastating separation.
2008-2009: 1703 House, cohabitation.
Oct. 2009 – April 2011: R Street/S Street, one block.

How did I not realize this before? This is recording-breaking. I suppose I lived with my parents for 18 years, but I don’t think I even had this kind of prolonged proximity to my brother and sister (both of whom left for college when I was 5 and 6, respectively).

2. Her response time beats that of most ambulances.
Call, text, or email Laura, and she will get back to you immediately — day or night — whether you just forgot how to make French toast or are suffering from a major existential crisis.

3. She is my only dog friend.
Laura has a dog. I (sort of) have a dog. If you are not a dog person, you may not understand what this dog camaraderie means.

4. She is also my only non-work overnite buddy.
Although I may sometimes feel like I am saving lives/the world during the overnite shift at NPR, I’m really not. Laura, however, saves real live babies as a pediatric intensive care unit nurse. I’ll miss the luxury of winding down the day at a weekday brunch with someone else who’s also winding down.

5. We are saps.
With Laura, I’m never crying alone — at the movies or in real life.

…except for now, where I find myself sitting here trying to purge myself of sadness via blog. I am genuinely surprised by the intensity of my reaction to this. Laura is, after all, moving to the one place I actually visit several times a year. Regardless, change often sucks and this is no exception.

I am here in my pajamas with my roll of toilet paper (Kleenex is for rich people) throwing my hands up in confusion and trying to pull it together before I go to an ill-timed all-day music festival.

Yikes.

Sort of like a break-up , I feel like I will suddenly experience moments of re-realizing Laura is not in DC anymore. She can no longer be the dinner date I can make last minute plans with. Her apartment is no longer the go-to meeting place of our book club. I can no longer decide that this bar sucks and convince Laura to walk back with me.

I’m rambling. I’m complaining. I’m wallowing. I’m being over-dramatic.

If you are thinking “Man, how can I avoid this misery?,” I would simply recommend this: Don’t make best friends.

I’m briefly here to say…

My piece on Gold Panda aired today on Morning Edition. If you weren’t awake to hear it, head to NPR Music’s The Record for archived audio. Thanks to everyone who already listened for all the kind words! I feel both thrilled and relieved to have finally put a tiny stamp of myself on the show.

Thanks to Derwin Panda for being such a gracious interviewee. (Yes, we did have to start over at one point during the interview due to a technical flub on my part.) But perhaps, most of all, thanks to my co-workers who guided me along the way: namely Tom, who will never read this, and Nicole, who might. It takes a village?

All this for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Imagine if it were longer…

If you liked what you heard of Gold Panda, you should probably buy Lucky Shiner – my favorite album of 2010. And if you are a human, you should listen to his remix of Lykke Li’s “Sadness is a Blessing” released just last week (with headphones, please). IT IS LIFE-ALTERING.

Finally, for kicks, (I shared this on facebook but for non-fb friends) here’s a photo of Derwin Panda and me at NPR. Total sleep represented here is <10 hours, I’m sure.

Gitner and Gold Panda at NPR

8:00-8:30AM – Arrive home. Play with dog, talk with roommates.

8:45 – Eat.

9:30 – Shower? Maybe. Catch up on internet.

10:30 – Send emails. Write? Play music? Listen to music? Any work-related writing trumps everything else, hence the sad state of the Gitnerblog. (And my progressively escalating guilt for not writing for Autostraddle.)

11:30 – Read Wall Street Journal (it’s a new thing) and/or book.

12:30-2:00PM – Go to sleep.

8:30 – Wake up. Catch up on email and the day’s news. Sometimes, I sleep until 10:30, which eliminates my precious “sitting” and catch-up time.

9:30 – Make coffee.

10:00 – Drink coffee. Sit.

11:00 – Sit some more.

11:30PM – 7:30AM – Work.

…and repeat.

Now, if there is a social event or concert thrown into the mix, I take a sleeping pill (may I pause to give a shout-out to Unisom?), forgo my morning time, and try to go to sleep as early as I can. But my productivity in other areas (reading, writing, ‘rithmetic [ok, not the last one]) plummets. Thus, I have a blog here that is neglected for weeks at a time.

Some still don’t quite get what my schedule means. For instance, my brother sent me a check in January and occasionally writes me semi-aggressive text messages. “Really? You haven’t cashed the check?” “I will, I will,” I say. “Haven’t had the chance.” I doubt he believes me, but I mean it. If you require my presence between the hours of 9AM and 5PM, even if you want to give me money, you’re in for a multi-month wait.

It’s now 10:57AM. In just over 7 hours, I’m heading out to a Kaki King concert. Only for you, Kaki. Only for you.