Once in a while, I ask myself, “Jessica, are you being unreasonable in your judgments? Are you high maintenance?”
(Note: I address myself formally in moments of deep contemplation.)
Then I wake up to burnt coffee and a huge mess on a Saturday morning and I say, “No, no you’re not.”
Sometimes I might seem a little high-strung. The pictures above hopefully explain a little. New blog post coming soon. Happy weekend, everybody!
Sorry for lack of posts, readers. I have been swamped with too much activity, and I’m feeling the poise I had first semester melt away. I’ve hung in there so far, but I don’t think I can inch so closely to due dates for much longer. The work is not too hard, far from it. It’s just too much.
I am an advocate of working from home. I churn out my best writing and complete my most focused reading sitting at my desk in front of my lap top. I can talk to myself out loud (a pseudo- only child syndrome), I can snack whenever I want to, and I can listen to music without headphones. I listen to soothing study music; music that comforts me or reminds me of my past. This semester, my ch’i (qi) has been interrupted. Two of my classes require I leave the sanctity of my room to complete assignments in the production studio. Another two require I complete listening assignments of music that neither calms me nor reminds me of anything aside for the homework I yet to complete. In addition, I’m writing a thesis I have trouble caring about. I live due date to due date with little inspiration in between. And it’s not that I don’t want to care. It’s that there is no time to care.
I am not at peace! I am away from my cozy house for more hours in a day than I prefer. I’m completing assignments that take hours each, as I fiddle with software, microphones, and plead with the Gelardin Media Library staff. It’s not that I didn’t know that I’d have listening assignments or that I’d have to use the Production Studio when I signed up and decided to go for the double major. It’s that I didn’t sum these things up. I didn’t anticipate how, combined, they would drive me crazy.
What keeps me sane are nights in. After 9 hours of work on a Saturday, I’d rather watch some tv than go out. St. Elmo’s Fire on Hulu. Downloading episodes of The L Word. Playing some guitar. I went out last night, and I had fun. I regret not seeing friends more often. I know time is short, but I’m going crazy. I must spend more time at home. If I’m in my room, I am not doing nothing. I am recuperating. I am watching You’ve Got Mail. I am wearing my high school sweat pants. I am doing everything.
Don’t worry, readers. I’m doing fine and even doing fun things. I saw Les Mis for the first time on Friday for my housemate’s birthday! I went to amazing DC Policy Day put on by Future of Music Coalition! I’ll be back talking about fun things soon. Until then… I’m crazy.