Why I Keep Watching ‘Kyss Mig’
Over the past 2 days, I’ve watched the Swedish film Kyss mig THREE TIMES. I’m on my fourth as I type this. It came out last year, but I was a little slow to seek it out due to its very “meh” trailer. Well, the trailer lied, and I think it’s a fantastic and unprecedented film. So much so that Kyss mig is knocking Kissing Jessica Stein — yes, a movie barely considered gay for its ending — off its long-time perch as my favorite lesbian movie.
I can do no better than Wikipedia in writing a concise plot set-up, so here it is: “[Kyss mig] tells the story of Mia (left), an up-and-coming architect about to marry Tim, her business partner. At the engagement party for her also newly-engaged Father, Lasse, she meets Frida (right), daughter of Lasse’s fiancee. Mia and Frida exchange many glances, portending mutual attraction.” (emphasis added)
Oh, the exchange of glances! I swooned for every minute of this film. The subtle gestures exchanged between these two characters were incredibly acted. My stomach did flips when, while lighting Frida’s cigarette, Mia tucked a loose strand of hair behind Frida’s ear. I thought I might die when Mia rested her head on Frida’s back while riding on the back of her bicycle. And I did a happy dance when Frida grabbed at the baggy sleeves of Mia’s adorable Scandinavian sweater. I could go on.
Then they kissed and my head exploded a little bit.
It’s hard to explain how it feels to see a same-sex kiss on-screen to straight people. Ugh, and when it’s done well! Men and women have been kissing on television and movie screens for a century, practically, whereas every same-sex kiss feels like a landmark — a bit heart-stopping. And these scenes were truly heart-stopping. The action doesn’t even stop there — These characters actually have sex! Not the fade to black kind. Sex that is rendered tastefully, dramatically, and romantically. It was apparently HIGHLY choreographed by the producers, but it’s not evident on the screen — another testament to the fantastic performances by these Swedish actresses (Ruth Vera Fernandez and Liv Mjones).
Beyond the kissing and sex, Kyss mig is foremost a love story. There are some elements of coming out, too. And I absolutely loved it, if you couldn’t tell already. In addition to painstakingly matching up subtitles to the video I downloaded, I ordered Kyss mig from Amazon immediately after watching it the first time, right before watching it a second time.
Some Perspective
By now, I’ve raved about this movie to several friends. But, I did so with some trepidation, as I don’t know the answer to this question: Can straight people see a gay film and react to it in the same way as a gay person? Certainly, I’ve been moved by many movie romances involving straight love (99.9% of all movies I’ve seen). But this shook my world, and I’m not totally confident it will do the same — at least with equal magnitude — for someone who’s not, in some way, seeing bits of their own experiences on the screen.
It wasn’t hard for me to empathize with either character, first as Mia, entertaining curiosity, then denying, anticipating and succumbing to her feelings. It’s a sequence of events that made me remember my first kiss with a girl during my freshman year of college. We were lying on my dorm room bed. I remember covering my face with my hands. Who knew you could want something so badly… to both happen and NOT happen all at once? I could also relate to Frida, exercising the patience to let Mia figure herself out. Being someone else’s first kiss.
The characters themselves were appealing, too. Adult women in their early 30s, who don’t necessarily “look” gay. Pretty middle of the road styling for both Mia and Frida — think J. Crew meets Eddie Bauer. Both incredibly beautiful actresses. And oh my god, the Coach Taylor-esque bags under Ruth Vera Fernandez’s eyes. (She plays Mia).
Thank you, Sweden, and thank you to the writers and producers for making this film. I truly loved it, enough so to break blog silence and my self-imposed gag order on gay. Go see Kyss mig (also titled Kiss Me and With Every Heartbeat in the U.S.).
As a fellow Swede I will try to tip you on Swedish movies you might have missed. I won’t give you any recommendations on big movies like Swedish Crime (blä!) and let the right one in.. -leaving Falkenberg, the movie on male friendship. Set in a Swedish small town – I personally has watch this one more than 30times. Lovely music by Erik Enocksson. Show me love, the movie that ended the Swedish deeply ironic 90ish. The headline of the soundtrack Broder Daniel become the soundtrack to mye teens (and Bob Hund).
Hey Jess!
I just listened to your recommendation of the movie on PCHH; just wanted to let you know that you were great on the podcast and that this movie is awesome.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks, Sonia! Also, just subscribed to your Spotify playlist. Love most of those artists and will finally force myself to check out alt-J!
lovely movie..and a lesbian movie with happy ending. However, I have the feeling that the relationship would not last long after the “lust” phase dies out. I do not see what they actually have in common. One is an architect, the other is a substitute teacher or something…In your 30s you would expect to fall in love for something other than physical attraction…
I have to disagree with you. I think physical attraction is often the spark that makes two people notice each other, and that was clear in the movie with all those sideways glances. The movie glances over some of the relationship development, but I think they suggested there was more than sex between the two of them. Look at how Mia came out of her shell! An architect and a music teacher could very well be happy together, or at least I choose to believe they can. Still glad you liked the movie!
First of all I’m straight and I can say it shook my world, but than I think that has more to do with me being a hopeless romantic!
I love this movie! I watched it four times already, and watched certain scenes several times, in the last couple of days. It’s an excellent piece of cinema – the characters, the music and cinematography. The chemistry between Mia and Frida *dies*. The love and passion they have for each other just oozes off the screen. I love it!
I need to show this movie to more of my straight friends. I’m always curious if a straight person can have their world equally shaken by a gay movie, but I have similar experiences with the typical (straight) romantic drama/comedy so why not?
You are spot on.
Netflix’s collaborative filtering algorithm finally got one right yesterday, and Kiss Me came up in my “Suggestions for You.” I have been meaning to write to Netflix and provide them with ideas on how to improve their algorithm, but due to my chronic procrastination {for which apparently, there is no known cure} and because they finally recommended a movie that I truly loved, writing to them continues to remain on my to-do list.
Kiss Me was beautiful. Beautifully written, beautifully directed, beautifully acted, and beautifully shot.
Like you, “Kissing Jessica Stein” is one of my all time favorite films with a lesbian plot line. I think I will keep it at the top of my list {with Kiss Me running a very close 2nd} simply because I think Jennifer Westfeldt is as underrated as her boyfriend/partner, Jon Hamm, is overrated. Not that I don’t like Hamm, I am sure he is a perfectly fine human being, I just find Westfeldt to be the more talented of the two.
I do not know the answer to the question you pose: Can straight people see a gay film and react to it in the same way as a gay person? I would prefer not be cynical, however, my genetic makeup prevents me from doing so, but my unfortunately gut tells me the answer is, no. I need to poll my straight fans to see if my gut checks out.